Story vs. Statistics

Which opening paragraph would you choose:

THIS…

“Every year, on average, 253 people spend their last days in the Palliative Care Unit here at Lions Gate Hospital. You can help make their final days easier by contributing to our $1.5 million campaign to renovate the ward – to make it a brighter, cheerier place.

“As you read the enclosed letter from someone whose mother recently passed away here, I want you to try for a moment to think of the unthinkable: What if it was somebody you know and love in one of our beds?…”

OR THIS…

“I was walking down the hallway in our Palliative Care Unit when I heard bright laughter coming from one of our patients as she joked with her grandchildren.

“I stopped to listen for a moment, not because laughter is such a rare sound around here, but because it was such a powerful reminder of what we do for our palliative care patients at Lions Gate Hospital.

“Their laughter told me that we have created a safe and caring place for terminally ill people and their loved ones to share their feeling during their precious final days together….”

WELL?

The first opening has specifics, a motherhood issue and a campaign target…. But it’s like the beginning to nearly every other fund raising letter you read. Ironically, it’s lifeless.

The second opening has something irresistible -- story.

People love stories. And in my years in direct marketing, I’ve never found anything that could out-pull a good story. So whenever I can, I try to weave stories into my writing – whether it’s a fund raising campaign, an offer of financial services, or a lead generation piece for a high tech marketer.

(see the next blog entry for the full letter...)

Let's build a place like home

Tell a story

As I noted in the blog above, successful fund raising tells stories. DM Guru Herschell Gordon Lewis says: "Episode outpulls statistics every time." Note the lack of reference here to the number of patients LGH provides palliative care for each year. I wanted to make the campaign very personal. The main idea actually came out of my own experience walking through the ward -- you never know where inspiration will come from! This campaign helped the hospital reach its $1.5 million goal.

Dear Donor,

I was walking down the hallway in our Palliative Care Unit and heard bright laughter coming from one of our patients as she joked with her grandchildren.

I stopped to listen for a moment, not because laughter is such a rare sound around here, but because it was such a powerful reminder of what we do for our palliative care patients at Lions Gate Hospital.

Their laughter told me that we have created a safe and caring place where terminally ill people and their loved ones can share their feelings during their precious final days together.

As you read the enclosed letter from someone whose mother recently passed away here, I want you to try for a moment to think the unthinkable: What if it was somebody you know and love in one of our beds? Wouldn’t you want the most pleasant setting possible? I know what my answer would be and I think I know yours, too.

It matters very much to me – and everybody else here – that we continue to do our best in palliative care. That’s why we at the Lions Gate Hospital Foundation are dedicated to carrying out a major, $1.5 million renovation of the Palliative Care Unit.

Our theme, “Let’s Build a Place Like Home,” captures the kind of surroundings and atmosphere we want to create – a place that feels comfortable, familiar and safe, a place for closeness and laughter to flourish.

That’s why we ask you now to do all you can to help us with this important work.

Please use the enclosed donor form and return envelope to send your donation as soon as you can.

Thank you for your generosity.

….

P.S. Everybody who responds with a gift of $500 or more will have their name permanently placed on a special Donor Wall on the 7^th floor, in Palliative Care.

Lift Letter for Central City Mission

This modest appeal for operating funds for a low-cost housing hotel worked very well -- not the least due to this lift letter.

THE LIFT LETTER

OUTSIDE FLAP
What’s this nice, clean hotel doing right across the street from the city’s hottest drug corner?

INSIDE FLAP
. . . Providing safe, friendly living for people with no where else to stay.

Dear friend of Central City Mission,

I can’t tell you his name. That would violate a confidence. But I can tell you his story.

Jack was a heroin addict. As an addict, he thought first, last and always about buying his next fix. Periodically he cleaned up and people who knew him said he was a great guy. But he always went back to drugs and then you just couldn’t trust him at all. He’d steal anything, sell anything just to buy a fix.

One day shortly after we renovated Abbot Mansions, Jack moved into one of the rooms. About six months later he booked himself into rehab to try to kick his habit permanently.

“It was being with all those other people at the hotel who were just like me, except they were clean and trying to live good lives,” says Jack. “So one day I just thought: ‘Hey if they can do it, so can I.’”

That was about 5 years ago. Jack’s still clean. He has a job and a girlfriend and he isn’t kicking in doors to steal TVs and CDs to support a habit. I think he’s got a great chance of staying clean for life.

Jack’s story is just one of the stories that makes me feel proud to be a part of Central City Mission. We sometimes manage to do things other organizations can’t, and sometimes we help people other groups can’t reach. But it all starts from our goal of providing safe, affordable housing for people with nowhere else safe to stay.

And that all starts with you and the help you give through your donation. I hope you’ll remember us again this winter.

Yours truly,

Campaign Chairman

P.S. There’s a real cash crunch on this year. It would help us hugely if you could make a donation of $50 or more.

21 Fund Raising Tips

21 ways
to make your
fund raising
more effective

Fund raising is mostly no different than other forms of advertising or direct marketing: keep your language clear and direct, make your message informative, tell compelling stories. However, fund raising does put its own special spin on the usual creative guidelines.

by John Friesen

1. Start with a well-thought-out strategy. This is where everything begins: Know the audience you’re talking to, what pushes their hot buttons, and how you want them to feel and react to your messages.
   
   
2. Talk to the background and experience of the person you want to reach. This may mean crafting varia-tions of your message for different donor groups. Elite groups respond to different motivators and messages than average citizens; CEOs respond differently than managers or entrepreneurs. Young singles are different than old married couples. Each group may respond to the same core values or ideas, but only when couched in their terms.
   
   
3. It follows that you can never go wrong by testing different messages and prospect groups.
   
   
4. In the mail, strong, attention-grabbing headlines work well in combination with long copy. Why? Because people like to read. Provided you keep it interesting and relevant, your copy can’t be too long. And it’s the best way to tell your whole story.
   
5. By itself, media advertising doesn’t usually bring in much money—but it can give a sharp boost to your mail campaign.
   
   
6. Your design and choice of images should complement your message and make the whole piece easier to read and understand.
   
   
7. For the sake of your identity, be consistent in your design and the way you say things.
   
   
8. Big ideas—ones that grab attention and stick in the mind—lead to extraordinary results.
   
   
9. People won’t give just because you have a worthy cause. You have to reach inside their chests, give their hearts a massage and make them feel good about helping.
   
   
10. People give more readily for specific projects and capital needs, than for general operating expenses.
    
    
11. People need facts to back up their decisions to give, but they give for emotional reasons.
    
    
12. People like to feel special, to receive rewards, recognition and special treatment. If possible, give them memberships, plaques, invitations to special events, prominent publicity and other symbols of their giving. Make them part of an online community.
    
    
13. People won’t respond if you bore them. Remember 9 out of 10 people find statistics inherently boring and far less compelling than good stories and rewards.
    
    
14. People believe credible, detailed testimonials. Celebrity backing may help, especially if your cause or the issues it raises have personally touched the celebrity. Because he’s been there, Robert Downey Jr. may be a better celebrity for an anti-drug message than, say, a squeaky-clean Kathy Lee.
    
    
15. People respond better when you tell them exactly what to do, how to do it, and why (so get to the point, no pussy-footing).
    
    
16. It helps to put something on the envelope.
    
    
17. It helps to pre-pay the return envelope.
    
    
18. It helps to accept credit cards and direct bank debits.
    
    
19. If you have a website (and you should), add a DONATE button, make sure you keep the steps to donate simple, and thank your donors at least three times: on the site, by email and by regular mail.
    
    
20. Save humor and cleverness for cocktail parties. People don’t like clowns, or advertising that is too clever. Nobody ever said: “I laughed till I gave."
    
    
21. Never forget to say thank you.

Bonus tip: It’s okay to spend money on your campaigns, but they shouldn’t look expensive.

John Friesen has over 20 years experience creating successful direct marketing fund raising, B2B, B2C, and interactive campaigns.

Reach him at: 604-812-1332. Email: jffriesen@shaw.ca